Brandon and Dakotas Wacky Adventures
by BrandonDakota
Summary: Just a bunch of one-shots to make fun of movies. WARNING: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! VERY GRAPHIC AND SEXUAL. RATED M FOR A REASON.


**A/N BRANDON- WARNING! POSSIBLY THE STUPIDIST AND DISGUSTING THING I HAVE EVER WRITTEN! THIS "READ AT YOUR OWN RISK" STUFF RIGHT HERE. GOOD LUCK! BTW THE BEGINNING IS US TEXTING EACH OTHER!**

**A/N DAKOTA- DON'T LISTEN TO MY BESTFRIEND! (WHO WROTE MOST OF THE STORY) THIS IS A GRADE A MASTERPIECE. ENJOY!**

* * *

**_Dakota: Hey, do you remember that one trip that we took a while back, you know the one with the KFC and movies?_**

**_Brandon: FUCK YOU... And I'm in class right now, and we swore not to talk about that._**

**_Dakota: I don't remember swearing to anything._**

**_Brandon: Damnit Dakota, do I really need to recall what happened for you?_**

**_Dakota: DO IT FOR THE IMAGINARY AUDIENCE!_**

**_Brandon: Fine, here goes..._**

* * *

It was a dark, cold windy night. The only light in the room came from a LCD computer monitor. The lone figure hanging over it, scrolled through craigslist like a madman, muttering to itself, "Damn, damn! Why is there nothing good on here anymore."

The figure slumped in the oversized computer chair and let out an audible groan. "Jesus Christ."

Another chat window popped up, displaying another pornographic ad. "Why does this always happen? Shitty ad blocker."

Suddenly, the silence in the room was broken by a man opening the door. "Dakota, you in here?" The figure grunted in confirmation.

"Right fuckin here." He sarcastically. The figure by the door moved over to the be in the room and sat down. "Find anything worth checking out?"

Dakota simply shook his head in shame. It wasn't very often he was met with defeat, but when he was it was bad.

"Well, better luck next time." The figure on the bed said while chuckling with amusement. "Like you can do anything better Brandon." He said, annoyance lacing his voice.

"I bet you 40 bucks you can't find anything." Brandon ( the figure on the bed) simply shook his head. "

I didn't come in here to bet, I came to get the money you owed me." Dakota simply pulled out his wallet. "20 right? Ah who gives a damn, the bet was worthless anyway."

He threw a crumpled 20 dollar bill to Brandon, who had to lean over to catch it. "Work on your aiming, asshole." He stuffed the wallet back into his pocket. "If I wasn't scrolling through this shit I would." He said gesturing to the screen.

Brandon walked over to the computer and looked at the screen. "What the fuck is that?" He said pointing to an Dakota quickly turned his computer chair around, the wood floor was creaking with every movement.

"Oh that. Well that my friend is one sick motherfucker. He apparently wants someone to bring him a box set of the movie frozen, some KFC, and ourselves to this location." He underlined the location with his finger. He turned back around, only to hit his knee on the corner of the small desk the computer occupied.

"AW FUCK." He screamed while rubbing his knee. Brandon cracked up, "You dumb motherfucker." He was kneeling now, clutching his sides in laughter, while Dakota proceeded to flail around in the chair.

"Ok that's enough." Brandon said through gasps of air. "Why don't we check out this ad?" Dakota responded by pushing himself off of the desk toward the only window in the room.

"Fuck that." He said while he un clasped the lock on the window. "I like LIVING." He said exaggerated, spitting out of the window. "Besides why do you want to?" Brandon walked over to the window and sat down on the edge.

"I dunno, seems like fun, and we already have a box set of frozen." They shared a laugh. As strange as it was, both of them shipped Elsa and Anna together, practically forcing them to buy the movie frozen and watch it countless times. (No one knows why they bought more than two of the DVD though.)

"True we may already have the box set, but what about the KFC? That shits expensive." Brandon sighed and pulled out the crumpled 20 dollar bill from his pocket. "This ones on me." He said while laughing.

It had started to rain outside of the shitty apartment they both shared, so Dakota stood and closed the window. "You win this round, faggot." Dakota said, amused. He rolled himself back over to the old small computer, they shared. They practically shared everything, since moving in with each other to save money. With Brandon going to college, and Dakota becoming an artist, they didn't have much money to their name.

They had both had some troubled relationships over the years, but found comfort in going through craigslist and doing stupid shit. Brandon walked over to the computer where Dakota was. He looked at the screen as Dakota pulled up tumblr and searched for the elsanna tag. Dakota looked up and said "Don't fuckin judge me." Brandon laughed,

"I wasn't. I'm into that shit too remember? Anyway I wanted to know who gets couch and who gets the bed?" Dakota shrugged. "I guess the only way to decide is rock paper scissors." He turned and stared chanting "ROCK PAPER SCISSORS SHOOT."

He pulled out his fist (rock) and Brandon came up with scissors. "Goddamnit. I've had the couch for the past 4 days." He grumbled while walking out of the room.

The next morning came way to early. Brandon barely got any sleep from the old, broken piece of furniture they called a couch. He woke up with a horrible back pain. He groaned and as of every morning, walked over to the worn down fridge they had, pulled out some ibuprofen, and took one. He almost instantly felt better. Then he looked at the clock on his phone,

"Fucking 5:30!" He groaned and walked back to the couch and sat down on it. "I'm going to murder Dakota after this." He said to himself.

After laying there for a good 45 minuets, with no sleep coming he groaned and sat up. He frantically looked for the remote somewhere on the couch, when he heard the floor creak in Dakotas room.

"Someone's masturbating in there." He laughed to himself and crouched down to look under the couch. He saw the remote in the very back portion of the couch. "How in the fuck did it get back there? What do you do while I'm at school, besides draw elsanna smut or read fanfictions?"

He stood up and moved the couch to the side, just enough to grab the remote. After he grabbed it, he started to push the couch back to its resting spot when, Dakotas door opened.

"What are you doing in here that's so loud?" He said, anger not hidden. Brandon laughed as he let go of the couch. "What are you doing in your room at 6:00 in the morning?" Dakota looked puzzled. "Fucking sleeping!"

Brandon decided not to let Dakota get to him this early in the morning, so he dropped the conversation. "Fine. I was retrieving the god forsaken remote from the back of the couch."

Dakota looked around the dimly lit apartment. The T.V was sitting on small desk parallel to the wall the couch was against. The kitchen had a small bar connecting it to the main room. He walked over to the couch and sat down beside Brandon. He sighed.

"Today is Wednesday, are you going to update Frosted Over today?" Brandon stifled a laugh. "Yeah I always do don't I?" He turned on the T.V and say down beside Dakota.

Flipping through the channels he said, "So are you ready to meet our new friend, the craigslist guy?" Dakota groaned in annoyance, "Why do we have to meet THAT guy?"

They laughed. Brandon stopped flipping through the channels on a rerun of a family guy episode they both enjoyed. Brandon soon fell back asleep on the couch beside Dakota, so Dakota did what any normal person would in this scenario, he went to his room and grabbed one of his black sharpie markers and drew a dick on Brandon's face. Laughing to himself he returned to his room to get some more sleep.

When Brandon woke back up it was around 9:00 and he felt good. This was the most sleep he has had in about 4 days, since he started sleeping on the couch to be exact. He quickly stood up and stretched moaning at how good it felt. Laughter was soon heard from the kitchen, Brandon quickly turned at glared at a laughing Dakota.

"Great, just when I thought I would have a good morning." Brandon said, trudging down the hallway connecting the bedroom and bathroom to the living room. Once Dakota heard the bathroom door open he then heard a shout.

"WHAT THE FUCK DAKOTA!" Dakota then crumpled to the floor dying of laughter.

"Oh... God this is better than that news report about a guy who dresses up like disney characters and kidnaps people." He started to tear up when Brandon came in. The penis that was previously there was replaced by a large red mark. This made Dakota laugh even harder. Brandon started to laugh at the thought.

They do stuff like this to each other all the time. When the laughter came to an end Brandon was the first to speak.

"Your ass is grass the next time, and by the way you're sleeping on the couch tonight." Before Dakota could refuse Brandon quickly left to go shower leaving Dakota alone in the living room. Dakota walked over to the T.V and turned it on. There was a PSA about the "Disney Rapist". The same person who kidnapped people, dressed as disney princesses.

"Really, the Disney Rapist? That's the best they could come up with?" He shrugged it off and went to collect the four frozen copies for the craigslist guy. Brandon soon returned to the living room with his car keys. He was wearing a normal pair of black jeans that had a hole in the knee part. His shirt was a solid blue v-neck.

"You gonna shower before we go?" Dakota simply shook his head. "Nah let's just get this over with." He was wearing a pair of jeans with an orange shirt. They soon began the trek to Brandon's beaten up pickup truck.

"You got the address?" Brandon asked Dakota. "Right here." He said pulling a thin piece of paper out of his pocket and waving it in front of him. Brandon nodded and opened the divers side door and slid in. Dakota doing the same to the passenger started the truck.

Dakota turned on the radio to some hit station and turned up the volume. Brandon started driving down the road to the nearest KFC, to get the food, when "Let It Go" started playing on the radio. Dakota instantly started singing every word to the song and soon Brandon was too. Once the song was over they laughed and talked the entire way to the KFC.

Upon arriving Dakota simply said, "I got this," and leaped from the vehicle. Luckily since it was so early, no one was here to see him do that. Brandon quickly pulled over to the side and yelled out the window, "What the fuck do your think you're doing?"

Dakota simply ignored him and walked over to the dumpster. Rummaging through others peoples trash, he finally found what he wanted. "Finally." He heaved it out and tossed it through the window to the truck and quickly got inside. Brandon sat there dumbfounded.

"Wha- Do I even want to know?" Dakota shook his head. "Do you really expect me to pay hard earned money for a guy we don't even know? Think of it as a prop."

Brandon soon droned Dakota out and focused on finding the address on the slip of paper. "234 western drive? That doesn't make sense?" When he finally found the address, in an old run down building, he grabbed the DVD's and got out of the car. Dakota followed suit, grabbing the empty KFC bucket.

They entered the building and soon realized it was an apartment building. The 234 part of the address indicating what door to find. Brandon started to walk toward the elevator when an old raspy voice stopped him.

"Elevators closed smooth skin." The old man behind the receptionist counter said. Brandon nodded and went to the stairs, climbing two at a time he soon reached the floor room 234 was on. He took a moment to catch his breath. Dakota soon arrived on the same floor.

"Dude that old fucker was creepy as shit." He deadpanned. "I say we get the fuck outta here before it's too late." Brandon shook his head.

"And miss all of the fun? Pshhhh. Come on we are almost there." Brandon opened the door leading to the long hallway room 234 was in.

They didn't realize that this was a bad idea until they knocked on the door. The door was quickly opened by a large black man who was about 6'5 and weighed about 200 pounds. He ushered them inside with out saying a word. He then shut the door and turned to them. He spoke with a gruff voice,

"You two must be the fellas from craigslist." They both nodded in confirmation. Brandon spoke up,

"Well, here is your DVD's." He threw the bag onto the floor, all copies of the movie falling out. The man sighed and took a step forward.

"You gonna pick those up?" He said in a demanding tone. Brandon shrugged, he has been in these situations before with Dakota. He simply kicked them toward the black man. He soon became enraged and punched Brandon in the jaw, knocking him out. He then glared at Dakota and then the empty bucket.

"Y'all done fucked up." He grabbed Dakota and forced him against the wall. His head hit the back part knocking him unconscious. When he awoke he noticed Brandon's body tied to a chair by him.

"Hey! Get the fuck up!" He tried scooting his chair over to where Brandon was, but couldn't get the leverage he needed. Brandon soon groaned and shook his head.

"What the fuck happened?" Dakotas reply came almost instantaneous, "You pissed off a giant black man who is probably going to kill us now!" Panic was growing inside of both of them as a door leading to them opened. The large black man quickly stepped in carrying... Another man?

They soon came into view and it took all of the boys willpower not to laugh. The larger of the two men, the one who knocked both of them out, was wearing a blue dress, similar to the one Elsa was wearing in the movie. The other guy was wearing a dress similar to Anna's near the end of the movie when they were ice skating. He stopped in front of them and put the other guy down. He then spoke,

"I hope y'all like elsanna." The boys eyes grew wide as the bigger male pulled out a blue dildo. The boys panicked and wiggled in their seats.

"Good fucking job Brandon! Look at what you got us into!" Brandon's face contorted into something of horror when the man dressed as Elsa started making out with the other male, dressed like Anna. Dakota gagged, and Brandon looked away. They continued this for about 5 minutes before they started stripping. The entire time they were they were role playing.

"Come on Anna, I need you." And so on. Once they were both naked, the smaller guy inserted the dildo into the larger guys ass, making it expand to sizes they didn't know existed. Dakotas nose started bleeding, and he screamed . Brandon started to throw up on himself, as the two men carried on what they were doing. The larger mans ass started to bleed and he started to beg for the smaller guy to stop. Soon both Brandon and Dakota were vomiting, the smaller male started fucking the larger one screaming, "Oh Elsa!" The entire time. Brandon couldn't take it and soon passed out leaving Dakota to watch alone.

He too started to pass out, but before his vision faded to black, someone kicked down the door to the basement, interrupting the males.

The rest of what happened was a blur. Both Brandon and Dakota waking up, only to pass out again from pure discomfort. The person who kicked down the door was Cole, one of Dakotas and Brandon's friends. He entered the room with a large chandelier prop. Upon seeing what was going on he laughed to himself.

"Why do you guys always start without me?" They both shrugged. Brandon, who was awake at that time, pleaded with Cole to let them go. Cole shook his head,

"Ya dun goofed." He said with a smug look on his face, as he hung up the chandelier. He looked toward the two males on the floor.

"We're doing the scene where Elsa is almost crushed by the chandelier, and you're going to like it!" They both nodded in agreement. Dakota soon woke up with Brandon.

"What the fuck is Cole doing?" He said in a disgusted tone. Brandon just looked down and shook his head. The larger of the two men quickly put back on the blue dress he was wearing. "Here we go." He said.

"3...2...1... Drop it!" He yelled as it fell faster than what he thought it would have. It landed on the top of his head, nearly killing him. When it shattered, some of the glass flew towards Dakota, cutting him and one of the ropes free.

While Cole and the other guy tried to help their friend, he quickly untied himself and ran over to Brandon's chair.

"FUCK DAKOTA HURRY!" He quickly untied Brandon and they both ran out of the room screaming like children. Once inside of Brandon's car Dakota spoke,

"We will never speak of this shit again. Understand?" Brandon quickly nodded to stunned to speak. As soon as Brandon started the car, the radio station was in the middle of playing Let It Go again, which caused both of them to quickly reach for the dash to shut it off.

Brandon quickly drove home not saying a word to Dakota, who was then foaming from the mouth. Once arriving home, it was about 7:00 pm. Both of them immediately tried to sleep. Before Brandon entered the room with the bed in it Dakota had finally said something,

"You didn't update Frosted Over today." He said with a smirk.

"Fuck... You." Brandon quickly shut the door to the room and lied on the bed. That was when both of them learned never to play around with craigslist.


End file.
